Eyes Wide Open

I think most people assume they know what it will be like to be a parent, especially those of us who wait years for the opportunity. We think we are prepared and ready for our lives to change. I know I thought this and I still think I am ready for my life to change for the better but I have gotten a glimpse into my new life as a parent and I have to admit, I am overwhelmed.

My sister, her husband and their son JJ are here visiting for the week. This was my first experience with having a baby in my house 24/7 and it has been an eye opening experience. I have had many experiences with young children but never for such an extended period of time. We are realizing all the things we will have to change or move in our house once BB (Baby Bean) is crawling.

I remember lying in bed with Doug the first night of their visit and him turning to me and saying in a joking manner, “It is a little late to turn back now isn’t it?” This made me laugh because I was thinking the same thing. Excited as I am for BB’s arrival, I am scared at the same time. I knew parenting was going to be work and a challenge, and I am up for it especially after such a long journey to motherhood.

Part of me is starting to understand all the “hurtful” comments people used to say to me. “Are you sure you want to have kids?” “You can wait.” “Enjoy your life now before a baby.” I know everyone was just saying this to prepare Doug and me, but when you are dealing with infertility these can seem like hurtful comments.

I guess what I am saying is no matter how prepared we think we are for motherhood; it is still scary when the prospect is right in front of us. My journey has taught me many things but the most important thing is patience. Just like infertility, there will be days when I might feel like I want to give up but I know now that I can power through those days for the better ones on the horizon.