The Dreaded 30 |
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The verdict is in….This month I am a “cyst”a! It appears I have a functional cyst that has taken residence on my left ovary. Not thrilled….not thrilled at all! We were benched this month. Out of the game before we even started playing. Yes I cried for a ridiculous amount of hours when I found out. I feel like there is always something happening, always something going wrong. We have missed as many IUI’s as we have completed them. It’s frustrating and downright depressing (I’m sorry there is no way to sugar coat this!).
As it seems, I will only have ONE more shot to get pregnant before I am the BIG 3-0! April has got to be our month! Prince Charming and I have a vacation planned in May so I think we will have to wait that month out too and then I turn 30 in June. 30 always seemed so far away. I mean I had to live a whole decade to get there….and as the years dwindled away…so did my hopes for being a “young mom.” My main obsession with 30 is that it gave me a focal point. Because it seemed so far away at the time, when we started trying to conceive almost four years ago, I was SURE I would have a baby by 30! As I entered my 29th year, I just prayed that I would be pregnant by 30. I have begged and pleaded to the higher powers….I have found (and given up) what I felt were many “lucky” items….and I have cried countless tears at each failed month. We have two more possible cycles…and we won’t be here for one of them. I want to throw a fit. I want to cry and scream for someone to STOP THIS TRAIN! I’m not ready to go there. I’m not ready to be in “that” place of being 30 without a child. My tears are beginning to become tears of defeat and to be honest, it’s agonizing. I am not a gracious loser. Yes I still have one more month to try….and if the cyst has disappeared, then we plan on trying with injections. However, I need to start looking past the dreaded day of turning 30! I don’t want to wake up the day of my birthday and not want to get out of bed and I certainly don’t want to hide in a closet and not celebrate all that I have already accomplished. I found the love of my life! I have amazing friends and family! I have a strong solid foundation of education! I am like a fine wine…I become better with age! So here’s to the beginning of my new decade of my life. It will be the decade I complete my family. I can’t wait! (Oh and just in case you are wondering…my new focal point is 31!) Comments (2)
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... I hear ya...I turn 30 in June too...I seem to be running out of time also...  I'm sorry to hear about your cyst..not sure why it has to be this way ***hugs!*** |
praying4LR
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... tell me about it! i am just ahead of you guys...and have had the same exact feelings! this year has to be the year! |
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