The Irregular Period |
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My period and I have a very bad relationship. We used to get along alright, but then in February of 2008, a few months after I married my husband, my period decided to abandon ship. For four months, she was MIA. At first, I thought I was pregnant. Being VERY NEWLY-wed, this was not in the plan. When I asked my husband what we would do, he said, "I suppose we'd get married, buy a house, get full-time jobs, and have a baby." Yes, we were already married, we had owned a house for 9 months, and we both worked full-time jobs, with benefits and the whole nine yards. Point being, ours wasn't the worst situation to bring home a baby. As it turned out though, we weren't pregnant. I took about 59 tests, but they were all negative. When I went in for my annual appointment in June, my doctor put me on birth control (we had previously been using other methods of protection) and my period came back. I remained on birth control until November, and all was well. But then we decided to have a baby, so I came off the pill and we went to work. My cycle was 31 days in December, January and February. But when my period heard that it was February? Well, she decided it was time to go on vacation again. As you can imagine, when my period didn't show up on time, I was high on baby fumes. I drank bottle after bottle of water so that I had to visit the ladies room repeatedly, looking for a sign, or lack-thereof. (Is that normal?) Every time I would go to the bathroom to discover that my period had NOT started, I would call my husband to tell him I was still late. I waited as long as I could, about 29.8 minutes, and then I took a test. Negative. Okay, it was still early. I just needed to give it a week. Negative. But I've had TWO friends who were TWO weeks late before they tested positive, so I waited another week and took another test. Negative. I wasn't pregnant and my period was up to her old tricks. Unlike before, this time I needed her. This time, I was trying to make a baby. Her tardiness could make things difficult, perhaps impossible. I finally started again in April, FIFTY-SEVEN DAYS later. And then 31 days later in May. And then 43 days later in June. So not only does my period like to tell me that I'm not pregnant, she can't even make this announcement on a regular schedule. I'm still waiting for the July visit, but it's only been 29 days and she never comes this early. If there is an advantage to all of this, it's that I can no longer stress out when I think I'm "late," because I don't really know when "late" is. So one day, my water will break and I'll be like, what? I'm pregnant? I just thought my period was on a nine-month hiatus and I was gaining all this weight for no reason. Maybe I'll be on that show on TLC and people will hear my story and go, HOW DID SHE NOT KNOW? |
