The phrase “Tantric sex” may set off strange images in your mind of exhausting marathon sessions or foreign rituals, but the truth is that Tantra is more accessible and easier to incorporate than you probably imagine.
Do you remember when sex was just for fun? Not all couples trying to conceive fall into the routine of mechanical, functional sex, but many do fall into a bedroom routine. Sex can become a chore, something to do when fertility peaks—scheduled, planned, and anything but sexy.
Unfortunately, even when your timing is spot-on it can take months to conceive, and that means more time for the two of you to fall into a decidedly un-sexy rut. Tantric sex may be just what you need to spice up your love life, and maybe even help you conceive at last.
Tantra involves things like deep and conscious breathing, eye contact, and visualization, and you don’t have to delve into the ancient spiritual methodologies to experience the benefits of longer, more pleasurable sex and intense orgasms.
How Tantra Can Help
“When couples get focused on conception, they get tighter and more constricted, which is not conducive to the egg being released and fertilized. With Tantra, they get more expansive, relaxed, and ecstatic, which supports the body in opening to fertilization,” says Evalena Rose, M.A., a Tantra teacher in Sebastopol, California, who has been practicing since 1987. She suggests that a Tantra class is an excellent way for a couple to enhance their conception experience.
“Some people can learn through books like Margot Anand’s Art of Sexual Ecstasy, but I find that most need the support of classes,” says Rose. She suggests a visit to tantra.com to search for local teachers who will lead a group of couples through exercises. Don’t worry, these classes are considered “safe space,” and you should not be asked to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, nor will there be nudity or sex in the class unless that kind of activity is specified in the class description.
Tantra at Home
If there is no teacher nearby or the idea of trying Tantra in a group setting is unnerving, there are basic exercises to try at home that can still help you to connect on a deeper, more sexually satisfying level. One of the most important things is to be comfortable, both physically and mentally. Sit down with your partner and enjoy some activity that helps you feel connected, whether that is feeding each other treats or making out. When you are both comfortable, look into each other’s eyes and focus on your breath. Take long, slow, deep breaths, and as you relax, start to match your breath with your partner’s.
The sustained eye contact can seem uncomfortable and even silly at first. Fits of giggles are perfectly normal; just let them happen, and then get back down to the deep breaths. When you’re comfortable with this and can sustain eye contact and harmonized breath, it is time to move onto the fun part: erotic touch.
It may be scary to talk about what you want, but make the attempt. Tell your partner in a clear and loving way exactly where and how you want to be touched. Don’t just name the body part; use descriptions like “pinch,” “rub,” “harder,” “softer,” and “faster,” to let your partner know exactly what you like. If you find yourself getting aroused, you’re probably doing it right! Don’t jump to sex just yet, although it is tempting. Let yourself experience the pleasurable sensations for a while, maintaining eye contact as much as possible.
Prepping for Baby
The warm-up, breathing exercises, and muscle contractions that you may learn about in Tantra books, classes, or online sites will help bring even more pleasure into your conception attempts, but they have greater applications, too. “The breathing practices bring more blood flow and relaxation to the pelvis and allow for greater pelvic health. The exercises strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor, and potentially the vagina, allowing the body to be more prepared for conception and birth,” says Rose. More fun in bed and a greater chance for conception? Now that sounds like time well spent!
A version of this article originally appeared in the Fall 2009 issue of Conceive Magazine.
Related Topics: Sex and Conception
