“Take advantage of all five senses to heighten the sexual experience for you both. Focus on sounds by buying new music to make love to. Another time concentrate on touch, by using massage oils and lotions.”
—Lana Holstein, M.D., managing director of medical programs at Miraval Life in Balance in Tucson, Arizona.
“Try eye gazing, which can lead to an intense experience if you do it right. Sit facing each other in a comfortable position, and look predominantly into each other’s left eye. Notice whatever feelings come up (fear, embarrassment, attraction, love), and notice your body’s reactions. Eventually you will be able to hold still and experience an intense intimacy.”
—Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., clinical psychologist in New York City and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex (Alpha, 2004).
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“Engage in non-intercourse sexual pleasuring. That doesn’t mean don’t have intercourse. But there are 25 to 28 non-fertile days in the month where you can take the pressure off performing and allow yourself to be sexual simply for pleasure. I advise couples going through infertility treatments to take holidays from the treatment, where the focus is intimacy and warmth, not purpose-driven sex. Take pleasure in each other’s company, both physically and non-physically.”
—Bill Petok, Ph.D., psychologist in Baltimore, Maryland, and spokesperson for Resolve; The National Infertility Association.
“I think it’s important to talk with your partner about how awful it is to be focusing on procreative sex. Couples often worry about hurting a partner’s feelings, but when they open up they usually find what I call the ‘Phew Factor.’ The ‘You feel that way too?’ You want to reassure each other that you’re still focused on the couple.”
—Sheryl Kingsberg, Ph.D., associate professor of reproductive biology and psychiatry at Case Western University, School of Medicine, MacDonald Women’s Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio.
A version of this article originally appeared in the Fall 2006 issue of Conceive Magazine.
Related Topics: Sex and Conception
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