Once you and your husband decide it’s time to be parents, you’ve changed your relationship even before the baby arrives. Here are ways to help keep your marriage solid and loving during this “trying time” . . . and beyond.
“Honey, let’s have a baby!”
There, you’ve said it—a one-breath statement that changes your life forever. Having a baby is one of those huge, wondrous decisions that truly alters everything. But in order to grow your relationship along with your family, you’ll need to keep the conversation going through all the many decisions that will follow this first one. Here are just a few of the issues you’ll want to make time to talk about as you embark on this journey.
Shore Up Your Partnership
One of the best gifts you and your husband can give your child is a loving marriage. That’s because a solid relationship is not only a foundation from which to grow your family, it also serves as a model for what you want your child to become.
A child learns by ‘soaking’ in its world, much like a sponge sitting in the middle of a pool of water. Think about it: a pair of little eyes on you, watching your every move, and thinking, “so that’s how it is.” Does the thought thrill you, or fill you with dread? Either way, now’s a good time to look at your relationship as it will be seen by your children.
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Start by noticing how you and your husband relate to one another. Do you raise your voice when you disagree? Does he sulk when he doesn’t get his way? Is this what you want to teach your child about relationships? Of course not! So if anything is out of sync in this regard, take time to talk to your spouse about whether you are modeling behaviors that reflect the ways in which you want your child to grow. Learning better ways to communicate now will not only strengthen your partnership, but it’s the way to create the harmonious home you want for your child.
How about your lifestyle? Virtually every parent wants their child to eat a healthy diet, get regular exercise, and not drink or smoke. But remember that home is the place where children learn good habits, so be mindful of your own choices. Plus, making these changes carries an extra bonus: studies have shown that they’ll increase your chances of becoming pregnant. Talk to your spouse about ways you can support each other, especially if these changes mean a big shift in your lifestyle.
Finally, remember to address the nuts and bolts issues that come with a baby: childcare arrangements, and changes in household responsibilities, finances, and your work situations. Even if you’re not pregnant yet, once you’ve made the decision to become parents it’s not too early to start thinking about these things. Don’t add to the stress of having a new baby by hurriedly making last minute decisions. Instead, give these important matters the time and focused attention they deserve.
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