Let me ask you a simple question. What are you doing each day to fill up yourself first before focusing on the sacred space of loving your partner?
To begin creating resilience while undergoing fertility treatment, start integrating a simple yet profound “Daily Nurturing Item” into your routine. It can be something big or little that you do for yourself every day regardless of what else is happening in life. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, although it can be occasionally, but it does need to be performed consistently. The “Daily Nurturing Item” is one strategy I feel very strongly about and consistently share at my workshops. What is surprising, however, is the amount of resistance I receive from attendees about this nurturing exercise.
“One more thing to do! I am doing so much now” is a common refrain, which has been echoed over and over again from women who are in their transition to parenthood while experiencing fertility treatments. Typically I respond, “’Have to’ versus ‘Get to do’?” Then I step onto my “soap box” to help clients shift the words they speak out loud, as well as the ones they say internally to help create a different experience. How about trying “One thing I get to do for myself” versus “have to do”. In effect, when you do something for yourself every day, you actually are doing something for others, (in other words: your relationship).
A daily self-nurturing item is simple in nature, and consists of creating a habit of devoting time daily to this important activity. It is just as simple as tying your shoes. Because if you venture out and don’t tie your shoes, you’ll stumble and fall, which we all do! But, in order to create resilience, you need to double-tie your shoes!
For seven years, I’ve incorporated the same personal daily nurturing item into my life: I purchased an inexpensive milk frother to add whipped milk to my morning coffee. This makes me feel indulged and pampered with my first sip, which, in turn, starts my day with a sense of being filled up rather than depleted.
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
1. Hot bath (A suggestion from one of my workshop attendees that she did for 21 days!)
2. Favorite coffee each day
3. Nature walk (could be just 15 minutes)
4. Singing in the shower
5. Reading each day
7. Special food treat!
8. Cup of tea (in peace)
9. Chocolate, a little or a lot
10. Special lotion or perfume
A daily nurturing item is powerful and uplifting. I suggest that you commit to your daily nurturing item for the next 21 days, and you’ll create a habit that sustains self and your love connection with ease.
Excerpted with permission from The Fertile Secret: Guide to Living a Fertile Life.
Kristen Magnacca is the author of the award-winning book Love & Infertility: Survival Strategies for Balancing Infertility, Marriage and Life.