You may have seen ads for their services, or heard about them from a friend, but you may not know what this new brand of consultant does, or whether they can help you become a parent.
You’ve waited for the perfect time to have a baby, and now your body won’t cooperate. You’ve already been to your ob/gyn for advice, and maybe even tried some medications. Now what? How do you find the right people to help you?
In many cases, whom you choose to participate in your family-building effort—whether doctors, lawyers, egg donors, or surrogates—can make all the difference between success and failure. You can ask questions, do online research, and compare statistics . . . or you can find someone to help guide you through the process and make recommendations based on knowledge of the field. That’s what fertility consultants claim to do.
At a time when making a baby can take many years and thousands of dollars, fertility consultants—also called fertility coaches—have emerged to help prospective patients figure out their options and find the best experts. While these consultants aren’t licensed and typically haven’t had any formal training, they claim to be essential pieces in the infertility game. Their fees can range from a few hundred dollars per month up into the thousands, depending on the situation.
Unlike reproductive endocrinologists, who usually won’t see patients until they’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year or are over the age of 35, fertility consultants will meet with anyone who wants them. They pride themselves on being able to explain even the most complicated medical procedures in lay terms, they know the ins and the outs of medical insurance as it relates to fertility, and they can direct you to counselors or therapists to help you deal with the wait. Need someone to help you find a surrogate? Or how about the doctor closest to you with the highest success rate for intrauterine insemination? Chances are, a fertility consultant can help.
Susan (who requested that her last name not be used) tried for three years to get pregnant. The 38-year-old Chicago woman flew around the country to meet with specialists, sat at the computer analyzing statistics and doctor reviews, and wasted time in countless waiting rooms.
When she realized that her dream of getting pregnant wasn’t working out quite as she’d hoped, she decided to look for an egg donor—only she wanted the donor to resemble her. Turns out, it’s hard to find a dark-haired, blue-eyed, college-educated Italian woman willing to donate eggs. So Susan contacted Mindy Berkson, a fertility consultant at Lotus Blossom Consulting LLC, in Chicago. “She found a donor within two days,” Susan says. Lotus Blossom Consulting also offered to be the middleman through the entire process so Susan could remain anonymous.
Susan estimates that Berkson saved her $17,000 by figuring out her insurance and giving her a referral discount for the egg donor. Berkson also researched doctor statistics and helped Susan switch from a specialist who didn’t seem to be getting any results to a highly rated one in her own city. The only thing Susan says she regrets is not hiring the fertility consultant from day one. “She’s [Berkson] worth her weight in gold to me,” says Susan. “It was the best thing to happen in a bad situation.”
Says Berkson, “My mission is to take the very complicated and overwhelming process of infertility and be that guidance, support, and a complete advocate for my clients from start to finish.” Berkson says she has a national network of physicians, attorneys, agencies, and financial planners that allows her access to a large pool of surrogates and donors.
It’s all part of putting together the perfect team in order to tackle every aspect of infertility, from the medical to the financial to the psychological, says Helen Dutton, owner of A Vision of Your Own LLC, a fertility coaching service. “When you’re given the diagnosis of infertility, it is like being dropped out of a plane into a territory unknown to you, where you don’t know the language, and you don’t have a map,” Dutton says. “A fertility coach is someone who stands beside you, ensuring that you are following a map, and questioning you when you get off track.”
Since they aren’t doctors, these middlemen can’t make a diagnosis or prescribe treatment. But Angie Best-Boss, president of My Fertility Plan LLC and co-author of Budgeting for Infertility (Fireside, 2009), says she can offer patients some things that a doctor can’t: “We can help you choose a fertility specialist you can afford, help you understand the tests you need—and those you don’t—and teach you to maximize your benefits.”
Stepping on Doctors’ Turf?
Some reproductive endocrinologists, however, have mixed feelings about the necessity of fertility consultants, saying that couples don’t usually need to leave their offices to get help. Mark Trolice, M.D., president of the Florida Society of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility and director of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Orlando Health, says he understands why patients would feel tempted to use a consultant’s services. “Fertility patients don’t want to waste time, and they don’t want to be inefficient, because by the time they reach out to a physician, they’re pretty frazzled.”
On the other hand, fertility patients usually end up spending a lot of money on different treatments and action plans. So if they can keep everything under the care of their reproductive endocrinologist—which can be covered by insurance—they should. So Dr. Trolice staffs his office with a psychologist, and he makes sure that he’s personally available to educate his patients about treatments and options. “Health care involves a team, so anything that can help the patient, I support,” he says. “Anything that furthers the burden of a patient financially, I don’t.”
Other doctors believe that any extra help is always a plus. Jeffrey Fisch, M.D., a reproductive endocrinologist and medical director of the Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicine in Las Vegas, says that the more resources patients have, the better off they are during their treatments. That’s why he has an online chat board at Sher Institutes’ website, haveababy.com, for his patients, who can log on and ask questions. As for outside consultants, Dr. Fisch says that as long as patients are also getting information from their doctors, he doesn’t have a problem with it.
“Treating infertility should never be a one-stop shop,” says Patricia Mendell, co-chairperson of The American Fertility Association, and a practicing psychotherapist in New York City. She adds that it’s not necessary to pay a lot of money for fertility information. Organizations such as The American Fertility Association, Resolve, and Fertile Hope provide support through extensive online libraries, workshops, seminars, toll-free support lines, and complimentary phone coaching.
While there aren’t any statistics on the number of fertility consultants, Mendell says she’s noticed that there appear to be more coaches out there offering their expertise to patients who feel lost in the myriad choices available to them.
If you decide to hire a fertility consultant, Mendell advises that you become an educated consumer. Not only should you still try to learn everything you can about your fertility situation, but you should be careful about whom you hire. Since consultants don’t necessarily have formal training, it’s up to you to ask a lot of questions before hiring someone to make sure they know what they’re doing, and that they’re the right fit for your needs. For instance, some consultants specialize in surrogacy and egg donors. Others know a lot about insurance and financial issues.
Sharon LaMothe, co-owner of Infertility Answers Inc. and a surrogacy chairwoman for EDSPA, an organization promoting ethics and education regarding surrogate mothers, donors, and carriers, says there are many important questions you need to ask before hiring a consultant. Some of these include: What is your infertility background? What is your role in the family-building process? What happens if my choices fall through? How long are you in the process with me? Can you guide me to a support group in my area? Do you belong to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine or any other professional groups?
But the best advice of all may be caveat emptor: Let the buyer beware. Pamela Madsen, who blogs at thefertilityadvocate.com, advises women to compare costs, check references, and read accreditations. You can also request a free consultation. “There is not a license for fertility consultants just like there is not a license for life coaches,” she says. “So check around.”
A version of this article originally appeared in the Fall 2009 issue of Conceive Magazine.
Related Topics: Assisted Reproduction, Egg Donation, Fertility Tips, Infertility, Infertility Stress, Infertility Support, IVF, Stress and IVF Success, Surrogacy
